Novel Bin Chapter 217 - Remorse (1)
Li Chuntao didn\'t bother to stop her tears from flowing even after Mu Jianyu left her at the lake where she had spent so many happy memories with her twin sister. Had it really been a year since Ying\'s death? She wondered.
People say that time heals all wounds, but a year was certainly not enough for Li Chuntao to numb the pain she felt. It felt like it was only yesterday that Ying died in her arms. Perhaps, time would be able to dull the pain she suffered from the death of her sister. But she knew that no matter how many years had passed, it would never be enough for her to forget Ying.
When Shen Zichen told her to free herself and confront Mu Jianyu, she didn\'t think that it would change anything. However, now, as she looked at the sun setting on the horizon, confronting the bastard who hurt Ying had somehow lessened the pain in her heart.
\'Ying, is it really time for me to move on? Do you blame me for coming too late?\' She asked as her tears streamed down her face.
Having Zichen and Xiulin in her life wasn\'t part of her plans when she came back to see her twin sister. Li Chuntao didn\'t see herself ever starting a family of her own after Zirui\'s death. She knew she should be happy and content, but thinking about Ying still pained her.
Can she really be free from all of this? She wondered.
It took Li Chuntao some time before she calmed down. She\'d cried until she had no more tears to cry. Was it really time for her to move on?
Once she deemed that she was calm enough, Li Chuntao decided to drive towards the mausoleum where her parents were laid. The ashes of her twin sister had been recently placed there as well by her Uncle Yuren and Auntie Yue. It was clearly their way of accepting the reality that Ying was truly gone.
Since her confrontation and fight with Shen Zichen here a year ago, Li Chuntao hadn\'t visited the place. Being here only brought the memories that reminded her of what she\'d lost, no matter how much she prayed for it to return.
As usual, the caretaker did a great job of keeping the place clean and tidy. There wasn\'t any difference from what she could see, compared to the last time she\'d been here. The silence and coldness of the place were enough to make her heart chill from loneliness.
Her whole family was here while she was forced to face the world without them. If she didn\'t have Shen Zichen and hadn\'t given birth to Little Xiulin, Li Chuntao wondered what kind of life she would have.
However, there was no what ifs, because either way, she\'d already lost a part of herself when Ying died, following their parents to the afterlife.
"Mom, Dad, Ying… I\'m sorry I haven\'t visited you for a long time." Li Chuntao stood in front of her parents\' grave with a solemn expression on her face. "I\'m sorry I couldn\'t bring Zichen and Xiulin with me today." She continued.
She wrapped her arms around her middle section, looking more vulnerable than ever. Her eyes were swollen from the amount of tears she had shed earlier and her skin pale from the biting coldness outside.
She fell on her knees and slumped on the floor. Her eyes looking down at her nimble fingers that she took pride of. These hands were supposed to save lives, but why was she here feeling so pathetic and weak?
This wasn\'t the Li Chuntao she knew. She realized that she was losing herself when she allowed hatred and revenge to slowly consume her. She would have lost the chance to be with Shen Zichen and give birth to her daughter if she had continued to wallow in self-pity.
Her parents… her twin sister wouldn\'t want to see her like this. She couldn\'t stay like this any longer. She needed to move on from the past and face the future. Shutting her eyes, Li Chuntao took calming breaths, her resolve to continue living getting stronger with each passing second.
It might be too harsh for her to lash out on Mu Jianyu earlier, but since she couldn\'t continue to live in pretense anymore, it was only appropriate for her to come clean to her ex-brother-in-law. Opening her eyes, the sense of loss and sorrow had vanished from it and was replaced with acceptance and peace she\'d long forgotten.
"I\'ll bring them on my next visit. I promise."
Li Chuntao rised to her feet and bid goodbye to her loved ones. Her family at home needed her and she cannot keep them waiting any longer. The moment she stepped out of the mausoleum, the sun had already set.
Driving back to the villa where she currently resided with her small family, Li Chuntao felt better than ever. Her grief and sorrow blinded her from seeing and cherishing the people she still had in her life.
When she arrived home, she saw her husband at a loss. Shen Zichen had fed their daughter, changed her and everything else his mother had told him to do while Li Chuntao was away. Still, Little Xiulin was full of energy. It was already past eight in the evening and she didn\'t seem like she was ready to retire for the night.
Little Xiuling was currently lying in her crib, her wide round eyes staring back at her father.
"Darling, it\'s already past your bedtime. Aren\'t you tired?" Shen Zichen cooed at his daughter.
"Oh, is she troubling Daddy?" Li Chuntao chuckled and leaned against the doorframe as she watched her husband and daughter.
"Look, Xiulin! Mommy is home! Say welcome back, Mommy." Shen Zichen picked up their child from the crib before heading straight towards his wife.
"Welcome back, Chuntao. I\'m glad you\'re back." He murmured after kissing her forehead.
Li Chuntao took their daughter from his arms and smiled.
"Yes, I\'m back for good."