How To Survive as a Villain

“Don’t worry, just treat me like an ordinary person.” Xiao YuAn approached him.

Nie Er looked at Xiao YuAn’s thin arms and legs and felt that he could break the Monarch’s small body if he touched it casually. His breath was accelerated and hard: “No, Your Majesty, I’m afraid that if I move my hand I will hurt you. It’s not good…”

Xiao YuAn smiled slightly, then he abruptly reached out and twisted Nie Er’s left arm and pinned him to the ground.

Once again, everyone present was stunned when they saw Nie Er fell to the ground. When he came back to reality, he felt some pain gradually coming from his left arm. He felt anxious and in a hurry he broke away from Xiao YuAn’s grip and then turned over.

Xiao YuAn’s face showed a light smile, but secretly in his heart he was saying: The body of the Emperor of the Northern Kingdom is too weak! He can’t even twist an arm! Do you understand that it’s okay to exercise outside the bed once in a while?!

Although he felt frustrated, Nie Er didn’t dare to fight seriously with the Emperor. He quickly clenched his fist and said: “Your Majesty is really good at martial arts, but Weichen can’t compare with him, I must admit my defeat.” Nie Er quickly got down the challenge arena, fearing angering the Emperor.

In the end, it wasn’t interesting enough. Xiao YuAn felt embarrassed and that he couldn’t show his face in public, jumped down from the arena holding his heart firmly with one hand, then he raised his head meeting Yan HeQing’s bright eyes. When he looked at him, it was like a thousand lights were shining inside his pupils, with a soft voice Yan HeQing said to him: “Thank you.”

All of a sudden, Xiao YuAn didn’t feel so ashamed anymore.

The challenge arena at the side was very noisy, because on the other side was full of fist and punches, they were fighting to the ground.

Xie Chungui went with all of his strength, but still, he couldn’t hold Li Wuding’s fist.

Someone whispered in a low voice: “How come these two are fighting so fiercely?”

“Sigh, you don’t know?”

“What do you mean?”

“General Li said to the youngest son of the Xie family that if he manages to beat him, then he would make him his deputy.”

“The youngest son of the Xie family is outstanding, General Li doesn’t let the water go¹.”

“General Li did let it go one time before, but Xie Chungui got so angry that he refused to admit he had won and admitted defeat instead. So after that General Li had been fighting with him with all his strength.”

“It turns out it was like this.”

In other words, Xie Chungui had already been defeated.

Xie Chungui was half kneeling on the ground, clenching his fist tightly, he seemed disappointed with the end result. Suddenly, he felt a hand touching his head. It was Li Wuding who was patting his head: “There’s some progress.”

Xie Chungui clenched his teeth and said: “I’m still unable to win against you.”

Li Wuding smirked: “You will in the future.”

Xie Chungui raised his head, his eyes were burning like fire, and his tone was firm: “I definitely will.”

Li Wuding stretched out his hand and pulled Xie Chungui up, looking back at him, he was still smiling: “Yes, I’m waiting for that day to come.”

The martial arts competition slowly came to an end. The next day, Xiao YuAn, after tossing and turning all night in bed, finally decided to give the General’s position to Li Wuding.

First of all, he didn’t want to go the same path as the original book. Secondly, although Li Wuding may betray his country, he still was a close friend of the old General Sun, so it will not be like the original where it was reported that the soldiers were being abusive to the common people.

After receiving the Imperial edict, Li Wuding knelt on the ground and lost his voice for a long while before giving his thanks to the Emperor.

Li Wuding was supposed to hold a banquet in his mansion commemorating such a big event. However he was afraid that because of General Sun’s serious illness, it wasn’t appropriate to celebrate a happy event. So, in the end, he only invited a few dixiong that fought alongside him in the battlefield. He said to them that it was just a small drinking party to liven things up a bit.

Even though he didn’t fight side by side with Li Wuding, Xie Chungui received an invitation anyway.

Xie Chungui attended the celebration banquet for the first time and paid great attention to it. He solemnly discussed the congratulation gift with his mother and family, and then took a carriage to the Li Mansion, dressed in royal clothes.

Although General Li had already made great contributions in war and gained a formidable prestige, his mansion was still very humble. The young boy almost thought that he had gone in the wrong direction.

There were no bodyguards or servants, and a red door god² painting was posted in front of the narrow vermilion wood door. Xie Chungui walked towards the front door and knocked twice, but then he saw that the door was unlocked. After a little hesitation, he pushed the door open and walked in. What he saw inside was a simple small courtyard, a stone chair, a wooden shed and the entrance of a grapevine.

Xie Chungui was still in a daze when he saw a man walking out of the kitchen, inside it was filled with a little bit of smoke.

Li Wuding, who had a chicken in his left hand and a duck in his right hand, looked at the silk and satin that Xie Chungui was wearing, at the rare and precious gifts in his hands, and then looked down at his own coarse linen clothes: “Uh…this is…that’s…stewed duck soup?”

As Li Wuding said that, he raised the white-haired duck with its neck in his hand. The duck didn’t succumb to the cruelty of fate and tried to fight against the shackles of being slaughtered by someone. After that, several muddy duck feathers fell slowly into the silk holding the jewels in Xie Chungui’s hands.

Li Wuding silently hid the duck behind him.

“You…you…” Xie Chungui stuttered, he was so scared that he started to talk with honorific speech, “Do you cook by yourself?”

Li Wuding nodded with a smile: “I didn’t make it clear to you earlier. It’s not a feast, rather it’s more of having a meal together with the dixiong. In the end you had to spend a lot of time preparing, it was impolite of me.”

“It’s me…it was me who was the one that didn’t understand.” Xie Chungui bowed his head, his voice getting smaller as he spoke. Suddenly, someone pushed open the door and entered. It was one of the soldiers, a big bearded man.

His voice was loud and full of vitality, and when he entered through the door, he shouted: “Oooh!! Li Wuding! Oops, I should be calling you Great General Li³ now, right! Is the wine ready? Whoops! Who’s this? And why are you all dressed up!? Eh, isn’t this the youngest son of the Xie family? Hahaha, are you here to ask for a maiden’s hand in marriage? Such a shame because there’s only rough old men here!”

Xie Chungui lowered his head and was unable to speak. Even in a low voice, he looked extremely embarrassed.

Li Wuding smashed the soldier with his shoulder away: “What? That was such a sour speech, can’t you bear to see a young man with a good appearance?”

“Cough! Isn’t it a pity for him? Look at the youngest son of the Xie family and how he came to congratulate you in contrast to how you entertain guests dressed like that.” The man with a big beard and an imposing aura didn’t want to lose. He laughed until he choked with his own saliva.

Li Wuding laughed alongside him, and then whispered to Xie Chungui: “You can go put the gift at the wing room, and, if you don’t mind, you can also change into my clothes. Just wait for these people to get drunk. In case they make a scene, you will end up smelling of wine.”

“Okay.” Xie Chungui nodded.

Li Wuding laughed loudly, and then walked into the kitchen with the chicken and the duck in his hands.

-? The Author has something to say-

As for the President’s military force value, he has something to say.

President Xiao: If I could return to my original body, don’t even mention Nie Er, Nie 3, 4, 5, 6 or 7⁴, I would even dare to fight Yan-ge 丨 Yan HeQing: Huh?

Xiao YuAn: Uh… nothing, you heard me wrong.

Yan HeQing: You might as well give it a try.

Xiao YuAn: T-try i-it!! W-wait! What are you saying!

Yan HeQing: Try it in bed.

Xiao YuAn

: Yan-ge! Wake up! The plot hasn’t even developed to that stage, not yet !!!!

Footnotes:

Footnotes

1. 放水 fàng shuǐ; Here is used as metaphor for “losing intentionally”.
2. 门神 mén shén; The Door God is a god that guards the gate, it’s a type of painting posted on the door during the Lunar New Year. As a deity guarding the door of folk belief, people stick their gods on the door to ward off evil spirits, protect the house, protect the peace, help utility and increase auspiciousness. According to traditional customs, every family is busy writing couplets and door gods on the eve of the Spring Festival to pray for the coming year.
3. 大将军 dà jiāng jūn; It’s a military official position name from the ancient Chinese Dynasties. Its actual functions and powers have changed a lot through the years, but most of them are “High Military Commanders” or even “Supreme Military Commanders”. The position of Great General was first seen in the Warring States period [475-221 BC]. Although Li Wuding has been promoted to this title, he’s still referenced as 将军 jiāng jūn; “General” or “High-Ranking Military Officer”, so in the future it will be common for him to be still called like that instead of the “Great General”.
4. The joke here is that Nie Er is 聂二 niè èr = Nie 2, so the author made a wordplay 聂三四五六七 niè sān sì wǔ liù qī. Also, I don’t know if it’s relevant or not, but 二 èr can also mean “stupid” in beijing dialect, so… interesting.